The birth of a blog

R and I were im'ing on FB and I dropped the bombshell. "I think I want to blog". I told her "it has to have a cool name though...otherwise it's bullshit." I considered that for the name for a minute (otherwise its bullshit) and we decided on "it's not bullshit" for the blatant brilliance. Seriously. I am all kinds of creative.
We discussed some of the amazing (seriously. AH MAZE ING) things that happen to me. Like when the cable guy came and hooked up the cable this weekend and about T, who we work with, and how I was ready to punch her in her ovary today. One sentence. That's all it took from her today before I was ready to push her face into her ass from the top. R and I also discussed S, we work with her as well, and how sometimes she's kinda frighteningly crazy. S's current story? She accidentally sexted our boss @ 2am on Saturday night. S was trying to sext her boyfriend, of course. (Don't tell her husband)
This kind of stuff is COMMON at work.
Know what T said that irritated me to the point of turning the phrase "going postal" into "going hairstylist"? She told me "Me and my kids did something SO cute last night." Seriously? When was the last time ANY adult said "I did something SO cute"?!?! Doesn't that usually end at about 6? 7 years old? I know. Not necessarily the best reason to consider physical harm but T is also the one at work that talks in BAD fake accents ALL the time. Half the time there is no way to understand what she's saying. I actually heard her ask someone for a "spot of refreshment" in a crazy weird, maybe Scottish, accent. What she meant was "cup of water". By the way...the "so cute" event...T and her kids made a budget for their tax refund. ADORABLE!! (and I say here...the same way I did when R and I were im'ing...imagine me holding a finger gun to my temple when I squeel "adorable". and don't forget to make the brains exploding from the opposite temple gesture...just for R).
The best though is the cable guy.
This particular story starts with me going out Saturday night with some girlfriends from work. It's not the point but I REALLY am too old for that kind of behaviour. I've never been in so much pain. Sunday was definitely a "nurse the hangover in bed" kind of day. BUT. I couldn't. We needed the cable guy to install in our bedroom as well.
It might have been LESS awkward for me to stay in bed.
I cozy up in my husbands hoody sweatshirt and try to focus on the book in hand. It hurts.
Cable guy shows up and, after getting the basic info, starts to go about his business. It's only about 3 minutes in his installation when he's in a bedroom and cussing about something. Literally swearing. I'm piqued. I, obviously, am not a very gentle person. "foul mouths" do not offend me. I do however think it's funny that he's "shit"ting and "fuck" ing away in the bedrooms within earshot. Gotta love professionalism.
About an hour in Cable Guy takes a phone call (on his own cell) and starts talking about us. He's not really being mean. He just REALLY does not want to be here. There is literal whining. Again...I'm amused.
The best though? At a later point in his installation service he asks me for "A huge favor". He asks to use the bathroom. I say of course and show him the door nearest me. Remember. I'm hungover. Possibly still a bit drunk. When Cable Guy leaves the bathroom he heads directly outside. It doesn't take me long to wonder why. Did I mention the bathroom was near to where I was sitting? It took a few SECONDS for the foul stench of my, now, Cable Guy soiled bathroom to permeate the air. Honestly. The Cable Guy shit in my bathroom. Left the bathroom door open. Promptly went outside. I'm ready to throw up. LITERALLY. Problem is...one bathroom.
Who does this happen to?!
Me.
Seriously.